Rollercoaster

Hello, this is Aloola writing.

The short story is that I am experiencing my husband's love more than ever before. This is because there is another man in my life since about a month. It has rocked our boat, I can tell you. The other man is a friend to Ramon and has been my friend for nearly eight years I will call him Mr. Handsome. First, I couldn't quite believe it - he seemed to be coming on to me showing little signs of affection and appreciation. I have always - from day 1 - adored him, being a very handsome and fine guy, tall and rather shy. So, this was actually setting off a fire in me which I couldn't control anymore. I opened up to Ramon right from the beginning of these newly felt emotions. Ramon responded with support, he actually motivated me to show my affection for his friend and invite him to flirt openly with me (all via ethernet so far). My mind was spinning and I felt all the butterflies that come with falling in love. At first, Mr. Handsome didn't know that I shared everything with my husband from the start, and I - from time to time - felt a bit controlled by Ramon, as he wanted to see all our conversations. So, at one point, Mr. Handsome and I started to text each other on our mobile phones to keep a tiny little part of it secret. I felt I couldn't be myself being watched all the time and I wanted to take this further. My cells felt drawn to Mr. Handsome, more and more. But, as life goes, Ramon saw two text messages, when he couldn't find his own phone and was about to use mine to send a text to somebody. Those new phones show all the last conversations, so he immediately spotted Mr. Handsome's last reply to my last message, which said something like: "Can't wait to see you too, Love you!" Ramon stormed into our bedroom and confronted me with this, and you may imagine how I felt. It was a mixture between being discovered, and the shame that comes with it, and 'oh my god, what have I done'. I tried to stay calm though and explain, and nothing had happened between Mr. Handsome and myself, so my conscience was clear. Ramon calmed down, too, as we talked about the issue. But we both came to the conclusion, that I had gone too far, and that therefore it had to end. My heart sank, but I agreed. The next day we met Mr. Handsome and his partner at a club do and had also agreed to go there in the evening to have a take away and a social. When we arrived at the club, I knew I had to give Mr. Handsome a sign that it was all over. He had no idea and appeared very cheerful and looked at me with these eyes, which were telling me: "I want to be with you, I wish I could hold you close now". I gave him a desperate look, and he didn't understand. So, a few minutes later, I found an opportunity to tell him that Ramon had seen our texts and that it had to end. I could see his heart sinking. He must have approached Ramon shortly afterwards, because after a while Ramon told me that Mr. Handsome had told him at the bar that it was nothing, and it was just a bit of fun. Ramon replied to him that texting was out of question as the children could use my phone and there was a possibility they would see such messages. At that point I wondered if my husband planned to let this go on anyway, as he didn't say to his friend it had to stop between us. But the day became a rollercoaster for me and I could see that Mr. Handsome turned into a silent, sad, withdrawn man, who wanted to just disappear. I felt so sorry form him and tears were running down my face when I told Ramon. He was very compassionate but asked me to forget about it for the day and evening, as we wanted this to be a happy day, and it wasn't fair on Mr. Handsome's partner, who didn't know anything about what was going on.
I don't know how, but we managed to pretend having a good time and the evening was fairly pleasant, eating and drinking together and playing games.
On our way home, Ramon and I started talking about the issue again, but I was very confused about my feelings, and it was late, so we went to bed without having found a conclusion. The next morning we talked again, as we were both a little clearer about our emotions. Ramon understood that I needed some freedom to express myself without being controlled (watched) all the time, and I understood that Ramon needed to be part of all this and being kept in the loop of what was happening between his friend and me.

More soon ...... x